Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
