Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
