'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
