she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
