My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
