I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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