he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
