dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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