at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
