Can i not drive my cunt home
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
