put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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