Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
