apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
