theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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