On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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