Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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