A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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