What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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