Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
