I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
