How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
