If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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