he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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