Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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