I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
