Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We left an ass print on the piano.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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