insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My bed smells like the plague
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
