i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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