Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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