Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
