Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
