you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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