Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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