You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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