I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he thought i was a dude.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
