the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
