you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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