Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
