he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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