were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
