He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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