Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
