some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
