when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
