I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
