My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
