Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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