why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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