No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
