my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
